Want to know how I use the restroom now? I’m sure you do. It’s mostly like you do, but I have a very careful approach.

Too many times I’ve sat myself down on the porcelain throne and realized I was not alone. Geckos usually, a lizard here and there, maybe a bug.

My response is undignified, though I’m not as loud as I was a week ago when we moved into the house.

Now, I approach the bathroom door, push it open gently, poke my head slowly around the door frame… I check the ceiling, the walls, all corners, behind the toilet and I lift the lid. I don’t need anymore surprises.